Finally

I just finished with a good two and a half hours of listing the shots of the Heinz Chapel Project in my online shop http://dianaclarion.etsy.com/, then making the interconnections with the gallery at my web site http://www.fnordnet.net/~dclarion/. So, after about seven weeks, it’s finally real. I guess you could say that I take a little pride in the finished work; whether or not that pride is deserved is another story. I’ll keep the project up as my screensaver, anyway.

Update: The Heinz Chapel Project

Shooting is done; I called it finished last week.  Now to the GIMP work.  Resize, crop, fight back the tears.  Rotate, resize, fight back more tears.  I just love the moos at the Etsy shop:  “Your pictures are so great!  I can’t wait to see more (so I can look to my heart’s content on your dime)!”  Perhaps you morons would like to foot my bill?  $350 and counting.  That’s my breakfast money, you twats.

Why do I even bother?

Things To Do

There are so many things I need to do, so many tasks to accomplish. Can I ever do them?

1. I need to make enough money to pay the out-of-pocket startup expenses pack to my purse. So far, that’s about $200.
2. I need to make enough money to buy a camera that is clearly mine. I’m looking at about $2500 by the time I get through with that.
3. I need to make enough money to pay off my debts. How interesting that will be, as about a third has been defaulted for ten years. $50,000
4. I need to make enough money to afford a place to live that isn’t a gangland slum, a place where reason and decency dwell, a place without power games. Who even knows how much that would cost?
5. If ever all that is accomplished, I would like to go to the grocery store, buy a can of broth, and sip it slowly, savoring every drop of the first meal I will have had in a very long time.

No, it won’t happen that way, but I can carry the dream to my death.

Diana, The Bookkeeper

I’ve finished the bookkeeping for the day, after a trip to obtain supplies.  Who, though, am I kidding?  Without a major miracle, I’ll see my “net worth”, as I jokingly call it, slip further into negative territory.yes, I know, I’ve only been at this for eight weeks, but I’m not sure I do know how to put myself “out there” without driving everyone away.  I’m not even sure I know what they want.

I think I’ll go cry now.

Am I, Really?

I spent some time retouching shots for the set I’m tentatively calling the Heinz Chapel Project. It’s interesting to see a less-than perfect shot become just a bit better with a few rather simple manipulations. All the while, though, I find myself fighting the feeling of being a ridiculous parody of a “photographer”.

I make no claim to being an “Artiste”. I started this because I need cash. It is quite clear that I am considered unemployable, so doing something on my own seems the way to go, and trying to sell pretty(?) pictures required the least investment of time and money of all the options I could imagine. I don’t, however, want to be some moo with a PowerShot. I need that I be reasonably good at what I am trying to do, that my output be worth the asking price. I honestly don’t know whether or not that’s the case. Perhaps I’m my own harshest critic, perhaps I know that I am engaging in a fantasy. Perhaps I’ll never know which.